24 May 2011

The Moral, Hopefully

I pray a lot. I do and I really make sure that when I pray, I concentrate. I try my very best to focus but sometimes, my mind really creeps out of focus and think of other stuff that I worry about.

It's sad to know that in my 30-minute daily prayer time, which is the train ride from Admiralty to Clementi, half of it is spent on me thinking of what will be our dinner, where we will go for the weekend etc. etc. With this, the moral of the story, or the virtue that God wants me to see and understand is being covered by my other thoughts.

The answer is right in front of my face. I cannot see it because I am not focused and I am not concentrated on it. It has always been there and I neglected it.

It kinda reminded me of the time when Doms was having trouble with his Employment Pass here in Singapore 14 months ago. I was so stressed out on what will happen to him or whether he can stay here or are we going home already. I had many sleepless nights and I cried a ton of tears with this problem in our lives. But I never forgot to pray. I always pray. but because I was too busy thinking of other solutions and other things to do to solve the problem, I didn't care too much about the simplest and the most basic solution, Appeal.

Doms' company appealed for him. He submitted all the things that they need and he gave them all the papers and results that they want and he was given a pass.

I lacked Trust! I didn't trust the idea that the appeal will work and I didn't believe that it will solve our problems. I was way too busy with planning and crying. Just like now.

We are again spilled with another problem, our Aussie Visa. And again I am crying and stressing over this problem, but I am still praying. But I have this tendency to over-stress on things, even if I am praying.

Now, I again blinded will all of those thinking and crying, and I neglected the real solution, TRUST IN HIM!

Image taken from Tumblr
I don't know why I have doubts in leaving everything up to HIM. He has worked in mysterious and wondrous ways, but still, my reluctance to trust HIM is always there. I've praying and praying and crying so hard about this and I believe that her always answers me but I just don't get it.

Last Sunday, the Psalm during the mass was:

Lord, let you mercy be on us, as we place our trust in you.
 It was a clear answer! I just neglected it. Then, this morning's gospel mediation was:
So ask the Lord for the strength to remain faithful to his calling. Ask him for a deeper dedication to prayer and service. And if you fall— as Paul undoubtedly did from time to time— get back up! Don’t let bumps and bruises hinder you. Don’t get bogged down by the details. And by all means, don’t worry about success or failure. Just keep moving forward, and let God take care of his part!

“Lord, I trust that you will fully supply whatever I need!”

Psalm 145:10-13,21; John 14:27-31
It was all here! i will just leave up and offer HIM everything... I just hope I can do this. I need to trust HIM and let HIM guide us and not me, pre-empting everything. Just believe in HIM and let HIM do HIS magic.

TO whoever is reading this blog post, I hope you help me pray and also pray for me that I can totally let go and trust in HIS mercy and power. I need help in this because like I said, I have trust issues, but I am trying.

Thank you!

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